Courage and Compassion and Connection OH MY!

“You need Courage, Compassion and Connection ASAP,” Brené Brown said.

I had no idea what that meant four years ago when I took her online course, The Gift Of Imperfection. 

Those were just words I collaged on the cover of my scrapbook.

Much like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, when I pulled back the curtain, I saw that I needed COURAGE to be who I truly am.  But I needed compassion and connection just as much. To own my story takes courage because my story came with the great and powerful SHAME! I was so ashamed to be me, to be gay, to be bad at spelling and grammar; which meant I wasn’t “smart.” Owning that I didn't know about politics and geography and world history. That I was scared to look at my finances, and would rather avoid the reality that I was running out of money. It took courage to tell that story, because I layered it with so much shame...  

Which leads me to COMPASSION! OMG, Brené! Yes!! I NEEDED COMPASSION!!! Wow, I see that now. Hello! “Aha moment!” Big time.

If I can meet my courage with compassion, I have a fighting chance to keep the shame at bay! When I came out at 44 yrs old, blew up my world, and faced my fears and my anxieties...I was so filled with shame…I felt I didn’t do it right. I hurt people and they were mad at me and I was judged. That is where CONNECTION comes in. I did have a few “bury the body” friends who unconditionally supported me when I had the courage to come out and be my authentic, vulnerable self. And THANK GOD!! I was met with so much shame at that time, without them, I would have never survived. But, Brené warned me, “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of lying debris in an already dangerous storm“.  

Sadly I learned the hard way…I was always wanting to connect, but I was not particularly discerning. I was recklessly hoping if I told you my story, my truth, you would make make the shame go away. And that lead me to sharing with the wrong people. They turned a giant shame sandwich into a shit show of spiraling self-worth, and a compassion deficit that took me years to repay.

I am, to this day, four years later, still needing to meet myself with compassion. But I now see that when I have the courage to be vulnerable and connect with the right people, I am well on my way to self love. #whatnowbrené?